In Vino Veritas
by Connor Chang
Summary: Misato gets far more drunk than usual and reveals some shocking secrets to Shinji. Misato x Shinji one shot. Rated M for harsh language.


**In Vino Veritas** by Connor Chang  
>Based on <em>Neon Genesis Evangelion<em> created by Hideaki Anno

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><p>Note: This doesn't take place at any particular point during the series, so fit it in where you will.<p>

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><p>Shinji nearly jumped out of bed in fright when he heard a loud knock on his bedroom door at around midnight.<p>

"Oh, Shin_-chan_!" came a light and airy voice. "I'm coming in!"

The door to the room burst open, and in traipsed a very disheveled-looking Misato. Her dark purple hair was wildly tousled, one of the straps of her loose-fitting tank top was slipping off her shoulder, and her face was as red as a tomato.

She was drunk. Again. This time, perhaps more than usual.

The woman giggled uncontrollably as she approached Shinji, who sat up, trying to figure out just what the hell his guardian was doing.

"Heya, Shinji," Misato said with slurred speech, "whatcha doin'?"

"…sleeping," Shinji replied, lowering his eyelids.

Misato snorted and chuckled. "Good, you're not busy! 'Cause I gotta level with ya on somethin'." More giggling followed as the purple-haired woman almost fell to the floor, landing just next to Shinji on his futon – a move that made the boy blush heavily.

"So, I don't know if ya can tell," Misato snickered, "but I'm very, very drunk."

Shinji fidgeted nervously, not sure how to get out of this situation. "Uh…yeah…" was the only response he could muster, one that caused Misato to laugh even more.

"Drunk enough to realize just how much I hate myself!" she howled.

Shinji's eyes went wide. "What?"

Misato giggled more. "I'm a miserable piece of shit!" She rolled over onto her side and wrapped her arms around her young ward, cackling all the while.

Shinji was frozen. "M-Misato?"

"And no one cares how miserable I am!" the hysterically snickering woman continued. "You know, my dad was a total deadbeat. He never really loved me. I don't know why he brought me with him on that expedition, because he was such an asshole!" She nearly choked on her own laugh. "And Kaji, you know Kaji? He never loved me either, that prick! I was just a cheap fuck for him to lay. And God knows you don't love me – I keep sending you into harm's way, possibly to get killed!" Again, Misato's speech devolved into a fit of giggling. "No one loves me! I'm so lonely and I hate everything!"

Shinji's heart sank.

"You know I sometimes think about hurting myself?" Misato chortled. "Or even killing myself? Whenever I walk out onto the veranda, I always think about jumping!" Another boisterous laugh followed. "That's why I drink so much, you know. It eases the pain I always feel. It keeps me from hurting, or taking that one step down to the first floor-"

"Misato, enough!" Shinji cried out, turning to face his guardian and grabbing her by the arms. "Stop talking about this!"

Misato merely continued to giggle and rolled onto her back, escaping Shinji's grip. "But I haven't even gotten to the worst part!" She tried to compose herself, only to burst out laughing again. "The worst part is that…I'm in love with you!"

Shinji's eyes practically bulged out of their sockets, and his mouth went agape. _Did she really just say that?_

"I've turned into a fucking pedophile!" Misato continued, her sides splitting. "All because you take care of me and look after me. And I'm supposed to be _your_ guardian! I'm your superior officer, for crying out loud!" Eventually, she managed to calm herself, and sighed. "I mean, I know you only do it to make a good impression on me. It's not like you really care about me!"

"T-that's not true!" Shinji declared, still recovering from the shock of the confession. "I _do_ care about you, Misato!"

Misato snorted a laugh from her place on the floor. "Oh, come on, of course you don't. Besides, even if you did, it's not like you'd love me back."

Shinji felt his hands ball up into nervous fists. "…why, Misato? Why are you…in love with _me_?"

If the woman's feelings were true, then they were most definitely misguided. For starters, he was only fourteen; she was twenty-nine! But, more than that, he was timid, weak, indecisive, and generally pathetic; she was beautiful, strong, caring – his polar opposite. What could she see in someone like him?

Misato looked at her ward, a cheeky smile on her face, intermittent giggles still escaping her lips. "Because you do all the work around the house while I sit on my lazy ass and drink, and you don't complain even though you should. Because when you could have left and forgotten all about the crap NERV put you through, you chose to stay with me. Because you're so much stronger than you realize for piloting Unit-01 again and again. Because…I just really love you, okay?"

The disheveled-looking woman laughed as if she had gone completely mad, but Shinji could see tears coming to her eyes. He felt an incredible weight fall onto his shoulders. How long had Misato felt this way about him? More importantly, how long had she endured thoughts of self-harm, of suicide? How long had she felt so alone and unloved?

"I can only tell you now," Misato said, her voice slightly calmer than it was before, "because I'm too drunk to give a fuck. I don't even care what you think of me now. I just had to tell the truth." She paused, still smiling, but with tears flowing freely down her face. "I hate life and I want it to stop, but…you make me want to keep going."

Shinji did something he would never have thought of doing in a million years.

He leaned forward and kissed Misato on the lips.

Maybe it was because he couldn't bear to hear Misato continue to say such sad things. Maybe he felt something for her as she did for him. He wasn't sure. But he continued to hold his lips to hers, keeping his eyes shut tight.

Misato nearly jumped out of her skin at Shinji's sudden advance, her teary, red eyes shooting wide open in shock. However, she soon began to sob uncontrollably, and returned the kiss, reaching her hands out to cradle Shinji's face.

The two kept their lips locked together for what seemed like eternity. Once Shinji broke the kiss, Misato almost immediately initiated another one, trying to muffle her weeping.

After many, many more tender kisses, Misato broke down and squeezed Shinji tightly, almost breaking his ribs from her forceful embrace. Shinji didn't mind, however, as he hugged just as tightly back, also whimpering. The two stayed in each other's arms for the rest of the night, eventually falling asleep on the same tear-soaked pillow.

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><p>The following morning, Misato awoke with a headache for the ages. Groaning at the ear-splitting alarm from her clock, the disheveled woman reached to her right to turn it off, only to find something – some<em>one<em> – blocking her way.

Blinking her eyes open, she quickly turned to find a large, indiscriminate blur that looked like Shinji. Her vision soon adjusted, revealing that it was, indeed, Shinji that lay beside her.

Misato then realized that she was not in her room.

Shinji rolled over onto his back and gently tapped the reset button on his clock, ending the audial assault. His eyes still closed, he tried to sit up, but Misato's arm brought him back down.

"Just a little longer," Shinji's guardian murmured. "Not yet."

"M-Misato?" the boy croaked. "…oh, right. Last night."

Misato smiled and gave Shinji yet another kiss, catching her ward slightly by surprise. "I'm sorry I was so drunk and kept you from getting to sleep."

"Don't be," Shinji said. "I…never knew just how bad you felt."

The purple-haired woman sighed, her lips curling into a sad frown. "I barely ever feel happy anymore. I just…I'm tired of everything. Tired of having to relive memories from my past. Tired of having to fight the Angels." A pause. "But then, every time I see you, or hear your voice, or think about you, I actually feel better." She chuckled. "I bet I sound like a bit of a creeper, huh?"

Shinji shook his head and smiled. "No, of course not, Misato." A blush crept across his face. "Actually…I'm flattered. It's kind of nice to be appreciated that way."

Misato bit her lip, hesitant to ask the important question on her mind.

"Shinji…do you love me?"

Shinji, suddenly thrust into the spotlight, choked, unable to say anything for a few seconds. Misato took his silence to mean 'no,' and looked utterly crushed, even though a part of her had expected rejection.

"I…I see," she whimpered. "…I screwed up big time, didn't I?"

"No, you didn't," Shinji finally rasped. "I just…it's hard for me to say what I want to say." He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself.

"Misato…I _do_ love you."

Misato's face lit up, and she felt her tears starting to come back.

"But…I'm really confused right now, because I don't know just what kind of love I feel for you," Shinji continued. "Whether I love you romantically, or as a friend, or… I just need some more time to think. Is that okay?"

Misato nodded, her smile fading somewhat but not leaving her face. "I understand, Shinji. You take as much time as you need."

Shinji smiled back at Misato. "Thank you." His blush grew deeper. "Um, Misato?"

"What is it, Shinji?"

"…could I have another kiss, please?"

"Of course," Misato chuckled, before placing a soft, loving kiss on Shinji's lips.


End file.
